| Seder Quips |
| I'm pretty sure that ours was the only seder that began with the phrase: "I really enjoy Joey Fatone". I think my mom was reading from the wrong book... |
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| Fun with Gifts |
Today I received a DVD entitled "Yoga for Inflexible People". I have absolutely no time to work this into my schedule.
Did you get anything cool this holiday season? |
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| Why Me? Sigh. |
| Cosmo never said anything about a nuclear war! When you find a man, everything is supposed to be rainbows and champagne. What gives, North Korea?! |
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| Halloween |
| Halloween is just around the corner and I think we all need to start thinking about our costumes. Many of you may be tempted to dress in some sexy little outfit (i.e. a kitten or a bunny) - I'm looking at you, Andrew - but I urge you to think twice about this. Halloween is not a vehicle for your sexuality but rather a wonderful opportunity to dazzle and delight with costume magic. People should wonder "oh, who is that before me?" not "how can I get a piece of that ass?" or "wow, those are hot boobies!". I know that I have certainly never been met with such reactions and I can only hope that you too will be spared. I hope you can share in my concern and take the appropriate steps this year to ensure that Halloween is treated with the dignity that it deserves. |
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| Slice of Boredom |
| I am in Thunder Bay and I am writing this from a public computer in what is supposed to be a quiet space. I am flanked by an old guy who alternates between farting and swearing and two young guys who are debating the nature of law. This post is my feeble attempt at retribution for their annoying behaviour. |
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| To Summit Up |
I cannot come to the Summit. I had planned on attending and was looking forward to it and now there's no way I can go and it is really very irritating. I love and miss you all (well most of you anyway).
Good luck everyone!
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| Dustin |
I am just writing to say that Dustin is a computer genius. He has made my job much, much easier. I don't think we can come close to understanding his genius but we should try.
Thank you, Dustin. Thank you. |
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| Wave |
Goodbye, Amy!
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| Canadian Living |
My monthly dose of domesticity advises that the best way to kiss summer goodbye is to "make a batch of chili sauce" or, better yet, "collect a bouquet of rosehips".
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| Stolen from other blogs cause it's fun - please add yours! |
Here's a list of ten things I've done that I suspect you haven't:
1. Attended the Milli Vanilli concert and bought a poster.
2. Accidentally flushed my mother's engagement ring down the toilet.
3. Read "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" while on a cruise ship.
4. Gotten lockjaw while kissing a boy.
5. Severed the skin at the bottom of my nose with a trailor hitch.
6. Won a taxation award and a drama award in the same night.
7. Tap-danced with fruit on my head while people called me "Edna".
8. Drank a Sex on the Beach while witnessing sex on the beach.
9. Been shot with a pellet gun in the middle of the Terry Fox run.
10. French-kissed a dolphin. |
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| While You Weren't Watching |
| Looks like Budman is having a good time. (Scroll down to the bottom and blow up the picture on the left - it amuses me) |
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| Alive in Canada |
My latest issue of Canadian Living advises me to find my "J Spot" by doing improv comedy.
Oh, there it is.
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| Title |
| Type in your name here and find out when it was the most popular. |
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| weirdoid |
So I posted my thing, went back to Sillytech, noticed it wasn't there, growled in anger, re-posted, refreshed the page, and saw that I had actually posted it twice. Then I tried to erase one but you can't. Sillytech makes you write something. I think this is how the first episode of Full House happened.
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| Living in Canada |
Now that my Cosmo subscription, and my life as a single woman, have ended, I am ready for a brave new step. Because I firmly believe that your life should reflect the magazine you subscribe to, I have embraced my latest gift of 12 issues of Canadian Living with all of my womanly might.
So, dear friends, I present to you February's tips on how to be one heck of a Canadian (living) woman:
-You should save leftovers of your family's favourite supper soups, casseroles or chili.
-When making chocolate raspberry curl cake, be sure to hold your teaspoon at a 90 degree angle.
-If you promise to make pizza soup for dinner, your kids will daydream about it in math class.
-Small floral patterns will actually make a small room look larger!
-Late winter is the best time to prune fruit trees. Touch your nipple.
-Oops, sorry, how'd that Cosmo tip sneak in there?
-Sometimes your morning routine can inlcude a load of laundry and you can just finish up your make-up in the car.
Geez, there's so much to do as a woman! Why there's barely time to fluff my hair like Salma Hayek or wear a big, shiny belt with nothing else on. Guess I won't do those things tonight and just turn in to bed. I've got a headache anyway because Timmy's failing algebra on account of that damn pizza soup. Turn out the light, would you? |
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